The ANSWER came to me...

I didn't notice my phone this morning whether any message coming in or not, like i always do every morning when i wake up to check whether SHE got reply me anything or send any wishes to me... but this morning i didn't do that.

Maybe i'm feeling that is no use checking cause i know the answer... However i was surprise when SHE really send me a message. A long one.

She told me the secret sentence that i was always puzzled on ... * voik, Selutelon *... well it's a little secret between us and finally she told me about it. I'm glad that she told me cause i really interested to know what it means...

But the main point of these sentence or SECRET is not about i want to guess it right, but is the keyword to my answer earlier... After SHE told me what it means, i know that SHE loves and and cares for me and i'm not actually SS...

SHE also said in the message hoping that i could understand what she is feeling... After i reading the message, i really understands what she feels right now. SHE told me that she might leave KL with a heavy heart like what i felt last week when i leave KL back to my Home SWEET tAiPinG... and she afraid that i would be lonely when she is in STATE and vice versa.

OF course i don't mind to be lonely cause the girl i'm looking for rite now is not a girl to just for dating, going out for movies , makan minum, or enjoy... What i'm looking for is more than that.

i Told myself on the first day in KL that i'm going to concentrate on the things that will build my pathway for my future and reputation.... I know i'm working hard in my jobs and learn a lot of skills that might be useful to me, i even want to join WATANIAH (reserve army) but they don't have the intake last august.

Never NEver and NEVEr i thought of DATING with a girl... cause i thought i might waste my time, money, effort ,and emotions.... until i met her in church last july... I feel very comfortable with HER but with my attitude that time and realize that SHE is leaving to STATES, i didn't really express any of my feelings to HER.

Christmas LAST year dec 2007, i try to date with a girl CARMEN that i have some feelings on her, but half way through i notice that the feeling is not right! i put a full stop straight away... HAHA LOL she might still be thinking why suddenly i stop! i don't know why, the feeling that i have on HER compare to CARMEN is stronger.
That's why i decided not to move on.

Till lately, i found that my love for HER is getting stronger therefore i took my chance to ask HER out... but... unfortunately i done something stupid driving HER car and met an accident. ended up watching movie in PANTAI hospital in pantai baharu around BAngsar.

One coming after another, SHE suddenly have boyfriend and really shook me off... that time i'm so sad and disappointed. What to do? that person also quite close to all of us in church, makes me to respect both of them, i didn't express anything till then.

Time passes so fast till i didn't realize it. a month later she broke up and i was shock because both of them for me they r perfect for another. basically i never thought i want to do anything with it but SHE suddenly asked me whether i felt in LOVE with her ? i was surprised who told her ABOUT it... and i say YES! long long time ago and till now i'm waiting.

From that point i know that i must do something and i did... i expressed to HER everything... i thought after expressing to HER everything i would be better but instead i go deeper in LOVE with her....

I didn't thought i would go deeper but i'm already in that position.

Anyway now i know what she is feeling right now and i really understand cause i afraid i couldn't be for HER in states when SHE needs it... i don't mind to be alone cause i know that i could take care of myself, and once i'm committed, i am... cause i know i'm willing to give up some of my dreams for HER and ready to have a relationship that last. IF i really ready to commit my time money and emotion, what else i can't conquer? LONELINESS is nothing, for i have YOU and GOd ... That's all i need for my future.

*to be continue*